If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
