he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
