I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I fill condoms, not promises.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
