he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
