So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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