All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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