I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
