he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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