Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
