found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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