Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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