I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
