Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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