she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
