I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
