I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
