So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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