Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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