New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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