I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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