dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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