I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this boner is exhausting
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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