Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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