idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My sheets look like a crime scene.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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