Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
