Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize