To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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