In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
