this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
