I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
