just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
