I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
