puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
