don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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