I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
