The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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