It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
