I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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