Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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