nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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