Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
