another moral hangover. fuck.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
