i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
