is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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