its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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