dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
