Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize