you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
