My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
