I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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