Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
