playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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