i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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