I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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