Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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