I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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