Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
