I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
