I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
