I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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