im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
