Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
