Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
