Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
