and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
