just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Christians are straight up FREAKS
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
