He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
