i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
