guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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