thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so let's talk penis.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
