Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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