Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize