Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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