but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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