I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
