I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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