I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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