It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Im part way to drunk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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