You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
