i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
