capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize